Oxymora: The List

Almost every literate person these days knows what an oxymoron is. The most famous example in popular culture would probably be jumbo shrimp. Since shrimp are such small creatures, it seems absurd to use the word jumbo to describe them. Elephants, yes. And large jet planes as well. But jumbo shrimp? The two words just don't seem to go together. When two incompatible words are yoked together in one expression, it's called an oxymoron. Other popular examples include old news, pretty ugly, and serious fun.

When you have more than one oxymoron, what do you call them? The typical answer, of course, is oxymorons. But, technically, that would be wrong. The correct plural form of the word is oxymora. Over the years, however, so many people have been saying oxymorons that—even though technically incorrect—the term is so widespread that it's now considered an acceptable usage by most language scholars. If you want to be precise, oxymora is the word to use.

But linguistic precision can come at a cost. Indeed, the whole matter presents a bit of a dilemma. If you say oxymorons, average people will know exactly what you mean, but language purists will accuse you of a minor linguistic solecism (the technical word for a language mistake, from a Greek word meaning "to speak incorrectly"). And if you say oxymora, purists will nod approvingly, but average people may think you're a pretentious show-off. It's a judgment call. I use both, depending on the situation.

Below you will find a comprehensive listing of oxymora. As you peruse the list, you may find what you regard as questionable—or even spurious—examples. But remember, an oxymoron, like beauty and a lot of other things, is in the eye (or ear) of the beholder. For example, there's nothing inherently contradictory about the words "airline" and "food." But a number of years ago (back when food was actually served in friendly skies) the culinary offerings of the airlines were so bad that almost everyone nodded in agreement when they heard someone offered the opinion that airline food was a contradiction in terms.

Objective vs. Subjective Oxymora

An expression like pretty ugly might be called an "objective oxymoron" because it contains an intrinsic contradiction. The individual words pretty and ugly are clear opposites. When paired together, though, the "marriage of opposites" results in a new expression that makes perfect sense. This is the central fact that makes an oxymoron so fascinating.

An expression like airline food, on the other hand, is a "subjective oxymoron" because there is no inherent contradiction between the two words. But when people put the words together, they're expressing a value judgment or opinion about the quality of meals served on airplanes. Whenever people use a subjective oxymoron they are essentially saying that the two words being juxtaposed are "a contradiction in terms." The world of technology has inspired many fascinating examples, like Apple Tech Support, Microsoft Works, and AOL Help. Other popular examples include government service, committee action, American culture, British cuisine, and, of course, the classic military intelligence. The celebrated verbivore Richard Lederer aptly coined the term "opinion oxymorons" for such expressions.

Many reference sources give subjective oxymorons a veil of respectability. The Oxford Companion to the English Language says in its oxymoron entry:

The term is often used for social comment, both humorously or cynically (such as calling military intelligence a contradiction in terms) and dramatically, as in "It has become an oxymoron to speak of the Lebanese nation."

The New Princeton Encyclopedia of Poetry and Poetics offers this assessment:

Oxymoron is by no means reserved … for religious experience or even love's contradictions; the modern world abounds in them even for quotidian existence—e.g., "amicable divorce," "free pet," "painless dentistry," "airline food," "life insurance," "friendly fire," "boneless ribs," "married life," "sight unseen," "nonworking mother."

The list contains hundreds of subjective oxymora. Many women, for example, believe that male sensitivity is an oxymoron, just as many men would say that feminine logic deserves inclusion. Other wags, with some justification, have suggested wedded bliss and delightful marriage as candidates. And even though there is such a thing as an amicable divorce and an attentive husband, many people would argue that they're so rare that it would be a major mistake to exclude them from a comprehensive list. Many frustrated consumers have concluded that customer service is a clear contradiction in terms. And, depending on your musical tastes, you may or may not agree that accordion music, country music, and rap music deserve inclusion. I've included them all.

The list on the below pages is comprised mainly of two-word expressions, but occasionally I'll present one-word examples, like bittersweet, butthead, warlord, the musical expression pianoforte (which literally means "soft-loud"), and sophomore (which literally means "wise fool"). I'll also present a few three-word examples (less is more, accidentally on purpose, agree to disagree, and addition by subtraction) that have crept into our cultural vocabulary. Occasionally, to vary the pattern a bit, I'll present a quotation that uses or illustrates a particular oxymoron.

The list is presented in alphabetical order, but you still may have to search for some expressions (e.g., "A fine mess" is included in the "F" section, not the "A" section). If you have a favorite oxymoron that is not listed, please send it along.

A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z

A

Absolute possibility

Abundant poverty
     "Socrates says he lives in abundant poverty?"  John E. Becker

Academic fraternity
Academic sorority
Accident plan
AC/DC Unplugged

Accidentally on purpose
     Accidentally on Purpose: Reflections on Life, Acting, and the Nine Natural Laws
     of Creativity
, title of 1998 book by John Strasberg


Accordion music
Accurate estimate
Accurate rumors
Accurate stereotype

Achievable fantasy
     "What we're doing is creating an achievable fantasy?"  Nadler LeWinter,
      editor of "Mode" magazine


Acoustic guitar amplifier
Act naturally
Action plan
Active retirement
Acute apathy
Acute dullness
Additional reduction
Adult children
Advanced BASIC
Advanced beginner
Advanced ignorance
Affordable housing
Aggressive begging
Aggressive diplomacy
Aging yuppie
Agree to disagree
Air field
Airline food
Airline schedule
Airport security
A little big
A little pregnant
All-day briefing
Almost always
Almost certain
Almost completed
Almost finished
Almost exactly
Almost impossible
Almost never
Almost new
Almost perfect
Almost pregnant
Almost totally

Alone together
     Alone Together, title of 1986 book by Elena Bonner

Altogether separate
Aluminum window
Amateur expert
American civilization
American culture
American Honda
Amicable divorce
Among the first
Amtrak schedule

Anarchist community
     "We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community,
      but people wouldn't obey the rules?"  Alan Bennett


Anarchy rules!
Angel, the vampire
Angry patient
Anonymous colleague
Anticipating the unanticipated
Anxious patient
AOL Help
Apathetic interest
Apple Tech Support
Approximate solution
Approximately equal
Armchair athlete
Army intelligence
Arrogant humility

Articulate ignorance
     "(Eric) Hoffer, our resident Peasant Philosopher,
      is an example of articulate ignorance?"  John Seelye


Artificial grass
Artificial intelligence

Artificial reality
     Artificial Reality, title of 1983 book by Myron Krueger

Artificial turf
Assistant supervisor
Assisted suicide
Astronomically small
Athletic scholarship
Attentive husband
Aunt Jemima Light
Authentic reproduction
Auto pilot
Awfully good
Awfully nice
Awfully pretty

B

Baby doctor
Backseat driver
Backside
Bad health
Bad luck

Bad sex
     "To me, bad pizza is an oxymoron, like bad sex?"  Richard Acello

Baggage handling
Baked Alaska
Balding hair
Ballpoint
Bankrupt millionaire
Barely dressed
Battle dress
Bedroom community
Beginning Finnish (title of textbook)
Benevolent despot
Benevolent dictator

Benign neglect
     Benign neglect, n. A policy or attitude of ignoring a situation
     instead of assuming responsibility for managing or improving it.
     The American Heritage Dictionary, 4th edition (2000)


Be spontaneous

Better strangers
     "I do desire we may be better strangers."
      William Shakespeare, in As You Like It


Better than new
Beyond infinity
Big nothing
Big sip
Bipartisan cooperation
Birthday suit
Bittersweet
Black gold
Black light
Blind eye
Blue Rose
Bone china
Bomb shelter
Boneless ribs
Border control

Border security
     Border Security: An Oxymoron, title of 2002 article by Oliver North

Bottoms up
Brain fart
Brand-new antiques
Brave politician
Bridegroom
Brief survey
Brief wait
Brilliant failure
     "We Irish are too poetical to be poets; we are a
      nation of brilliant failures, but we are the
      greatest talkers since the Greeks?"  Oscar Wilde


Brilliantly dull
Bright night
Bright shade
British cuisine
Buffalo wings
Bug-free code
Build-down
Business casual
Business ethics
Butt heads
Butthead

C

Cafeteria food
Calculated guess
Calculated risk
Calculated spontaneity
     "Winning children (who appear so guileless) are children who
      have discovered how effective charm and modesty and a delicately
      calculated spontaneity are in getting what they want?"  Thornton Wilder


California Champagne
California culture
California expressway
Calm winds
Calm storm
Canadian culture
Camping resort
Cardinal sin

Careful disorderliness
     "There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness
      is the true method?"  Herman Melville, in Moby-Dick (1851)


Casual chic
     "A spotted tie is just the thing when you're wearing stripes!
      Tigers have a natural flair for casual chic?"  Calvin & Hobbes, March 24, 1995


Casual elegance
Casual intimacy
Casual sex
Casually concerned
Catfish
Catproof
Cautiously optimistic
Central Intelligence Agency
Centrally-planned economy
Certainly unsure
Chaotic organization

Chaste whore
     "Good taste and humor are a contradiction in terms,
      like a chaste whore?"  Malcolm Muggeridge


     "An oxymoron is a figure of speech that stands for
      a self-contradictory expression like a chaste whore
      or an honest politician?"  Evan Esar


Cheap gas
Cheerful cynic
Cheerful pessimist
Cheerleading scholarship
Cherry tomato
Chills and fever
Childproof
Christian militia
Christian Science
Christian soldier
Citizen soldier
City worker
Civil disorder
Civil Engineer
Civil litigation

Civil servant
     "Socialism would gather all power to the supreme party and party leaders,
      rising like stately pinnacles above their vast bureaucracies of civil servants,
      no longer servants, no longer civil?"  Winston Churchill


Civil service
Civil strife

Civil war
     "How is it possible to have a civil war?"  George Carlin

Civil wilderness
     "The civil wilderness of sleep?"  Robert Herrick

Civilized divorce
Civilized warfare
Classic rock & roll
Classical jazz
Clean coal
Clean dirt
Clean kill
Clean oil
Clean toilet
Clear as mud
Clearly ambiguous
Clearly confused
Clearly confusing
Clearly misunderstood
Clearly obfuscating
Clearly obscure

Clever fool
     "Show me a man or woman who cannot stand mysteries and I will
     show you a fool. A clever fool—perhaps—but a fool just the same?"
     Raymond Chandler


Climb down
Close distance
Closet exhibitionist
Coal mine safety
Coca Cola Foods
Coed fraternity
Coed sorority
Cold as hell
Cold comfort

Cold fire
     "Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!
      Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health."
      William Shakespeare, in Romeo and Juliet


Cold hotdog
Cold sweat
Cold toast

Cold war
     "Let us not be deceived—we are today
     in the midst of a cold war?"  Bernard Baruch


Combative apology
Comfortable heels
Commercial art
Committee action
Committee decision
Common courtesy

Common sense
     "Common sense is not so common?"  Voltaire

Communist party
Comparatively unique
Compassionate conservative
Competitive disadvantage
Complete selection
Completed research
Completely unfinished
Compulsory volunteer
Computer jock
Computer security
Concise dictionary
Concrete pad

Confidently scared
     "Tom Landry approached a Super Bowl saying that
      his team was confidently scared?"  Richard Lederer


Confirmed rumor
Congressional action
Congressional cooperation
Congressional ethics
Congressional oversight
Conservative Democrat
Conservative liberal
Conservative revolution

Conscientious stupidity
     "Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than
      sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity?"  Martin Luther King, Jr.


Considerate boss
Consistently inconsistent
Conspicuous absence
Conspicuously absent
Constant change
Constant variable
Constructive criticism
Contemporary classic
Contemporary history
Controlled chaos
Controlled enthusiasm
Controlled rage
Conventional wisdom
Corporate conscience
Corporate culture
Corporate family
Corporate planning
Correctional institution
Corrupt official
Cost savings
Country club prison
Country music
Cowardly lion
Crash landing
Cream soda
Creation science

Creative destruction
     "The passion for destruction is also a creative passion?"  Mikhail Bakunin

Criminal justice
Criminal justice system
Criminal law
Crisis management
Critical praise

Cruel kindness
     "I must be cruel only to be kind?"  William Shakespeare, in Hamlet

Cultured animal
Current history
Curved line
Customer satisfaction
Customer service

D

Daily special
Damn with faint praise
Damned good
Dark star
Darkness visible
     "No light, but rather darkness visible?"  John Milton, in Paradise Lost

Dead Man Walking
Deafening silence
Dear occupant

Dearest enemy
     "My near'st and dearest enemy?"  Shakespeare, in King Henry IV

Death benefits
Debugged program
Decaffeinated espresso
Decent lawyer
Deeper high

Deeply superficial
     "I am a deeply superficial person?"  Andy Warhol

Defensive attack
Defensive strike
Definite maybe

Definite perhaps
     "I can give you a definite perhaps?"  Samuel Goldwyn

Definite possibility
Definite probability
Degradable plastic
Deliberate mistake
Deliberate speed
Deliberately thoughtless

Delicate assault
     "The delicate assault on the proud stuff of a man's identity (referring
      to anti Semitism)?"  Laura Z. Hobson, in Gentleman's Agreement (1947)


Delicious torment
     "Thou art to me a delicious torment?"  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Delightful marriage
Demanding patient
Department of the Interior
Designer beer
Designer jeans
Designer water
Detailed summary
Devilishly good

Devout atheist
     "I'm a devout atheist?"  Paula Poundstone

Dickhead
Diet ice cream

Dignified slavery
     "I can with truth say mine is a situation of dignified slavery."
      Andrew Jackson, on the presidency


Dim light
Diminished confidence
Disaster relief
Disco music
Discovered missing
Disgustingly good
Disposable income
Distant relative
Distinctive uniform
Divorce court
Doctor of Nursing

Doctoral ignorance
     "There is an ABC ignorance that precedes knowledge
      and a doctoral ignorance that comes after it?"  Michel de Montaigne


Dodge Ram
Domestic bliss
Domestic disturbance
Domestic tranquility
Domestic violence
Dotted line
Double solitaire
Down elevator
Down escalator
Drag race
Drastic improvement
Dress pants
Dress shirt
Dress shoes
Drip dry
Drive-thru window
Drug culture
Dry beer
Dry creek
Dry ice
Dry lake
Dry martini
Dry river
Dry wine
Dull roar
Dull shine
Duplicate original

E

Easy labor
Easy task

Earth angel
     Earth Angel, title of 1954 song by The Penguins

Easy labor
Economic forecast
Economic reform
Economic stability
Economy car
Educated guess
Educational television
Electroshock therapy
Elementary Calculus
Elevated subway

Eloquent silence
     "The most eloquent silence; that of two mouths meeting in a kiss?"  Anonymous

     "The Pause; that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically
      progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no
      combination of words, however so felicitous, could accomplish it?"  Mark Twain


Empty fullness
     "Revenge leads to an empty fullness, like eating dirt?"  Mignon McLaughlin

English syntax
Enormously small
Entertaining sermon
Enquiring minds
Entire portion
Environmentalist bumper sticker

E pluribus unum
     E pluribus unum ("Out of many, one"), motto of the USA, appearing on the
     Great Seal of the United States of America


Equal justice for all
Equal opportunity
Ergonomic keyboard
Escaped inmate

Eschew Obfuscation
     Eschew obfuscation. A "fumblerule," by William Safire

Essential frill
Essential luxury
Eternal life
Ethnic cleansing
European Community
Evaporated milk
Even odds
Evolutionary fact
Exact estimate
Exact opposite
Executive assistant
Executive decision
Executive secretary
Expect the unexpected

Expected surprise
     "When I came home I expected a surprise and there was no surprise for me,
      so, of course, I was surprised?"  Ludwig Wittgenstein


Express bus
Express line
Express mail

Expressive silence
     "Come then, expressive silence, muse His praise."
      James Thomson, In "Hymn," (1730)


Exquisite nonsense
     "Human beings cling to their delicious tyrannies and to their exquisite nonsense,
      till death stares them in the face?"  Sydney Smith


Exquisite pain
Extended deadline
Extensive briefing
Extra ordinary
Extremely average
Extremely bland
Extremely normal

Eyes Wide Shut
     Eyes Wide Shut, title of 1999 Stanley Kubrick film

F

Faculty cooperation
Fail safe
Fair lending practices
Fairly accurate
Fairly explicit
Fairly obvious
Faithful husband

Falling sideways
     "Life is falling sideways?"  Jean Cocteau

     Falling Sideways.  Tom Holt, title of 2002 comic fantasy book

Fallout shelter
False fact
False hope
False reality

Falsely true
     "His honor rooted in dishonor stood,
      And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true."
      Alfred, Lord Tennyson, in "Lancelot and Elaine."


Family vacation
Farewell reception
Fan fatale
Fan light
Fast food
Fast idle
Fast walk
Fatally injured
Fatboy Slim
Fat-free cream cheese

Fearful bravery
     "They could be content
      To visit other places; and come down
      With fearful bravery, thinking by this face
      To fasten in our thoughts that they have courage;
      But 'tis not so.
      William Shakespeare, in Julius Caesar, Act V, Scene I


Featherweight
Federal budget
Feeling numb
Fellow sisters
Fellow women
Feminine logic
Fiberglass
Fighting for Peace
Final draft
Final version

Fine mess
     "That's a fine mess you've gotten us in, Ollie?"  Stan Laurel

     A Fine Mess, title of 1986 Blake Edwards' movie, starring Ted Danson

Fire house
Firewall
Firewater
Firm estimate
Firm maybe
Firm pillow
First annual
First deadline
First-strike defense
Fish farm
Flat-breasted
Flexible freeze
Flood control
Floppy disk
Following preview
Foolproof
Foolishly wise
Football scholarship
Foreign national
Forward lateral
Found missing
Free gift

Free love
     "Free love is too expensive?"  Bernadette Devlin

Free verse
     "Free verse is like free love; it is a contradiction in terms?"  G. K. Chesterton

Free with purchase

Freezer burn
     Freezer Burn: Oxymorons and Other Contradictions of Everyday Life,
      title of 1991 book by Laine Vilensky, David Holmes, & Jeff MacNelly


French Resistance
Fresh air
Fresh cheese
Fresh dried fruit
Fresh from concentrate
Fresh frozen
Fresh-frozen jumbo shrimp
Fresh prunes
Fresh raisins
Fresh yogurt
Fried ice cream
Fried roast
Friendly argument
Friendly competition
Friendly divorce
Friendly enemy
Friendly fire
Friendly lawsuit
Friendly takeover

Frienemy
     Frienemy (FREN-uh-mee)  n. A friend who acts like an enemy; a fair-weather or
     untrustworthy friend. From The Word Spy (www.wordspy.com).
     A blend of "friend" and "enemy" coined by singer/songwriter Gregg Alexander
     of New Radicals


Front end
Frugal gourmet
Full-service bank
Full-time hobby
Full vacuum
Fun run
Future history

Fuzzy logic
     Fuzzy logic,  n. A branch of logic designed to allow degrees of
      imprecision in reasoning and knowledge, typified by terms such as 'very',
      'quite possibly', and 'unlikely', to be represented in such a way that the
      information can be processed by computer.  WordReference.com

G

Gargantuan Lilliputian
Geek chic

Gentle contempt
     "Without a gentle contempt for education, no gentleman's
      education is complete?"  G. K. Chesterton


Gentle Madness
     A Gentle Madness, title of 1995 book by Nicholas A. Basbanes

Gentleman bandit
Genuine fake
Genuine imitation

Genuinely bogus
     "She's genuinely bogus?"  Christopher Hassall, on Dame Edith Sitwell

Gilded slavery
     "Stardom can be a gilded slavery?"  Helen Hayes

Girly-Man
Glacier-like rapidity
Global village
Go ahead, back up
God-awful
Going nowhere
Going nowhere fast
Golf fashion
Goliath beetle
Good beating
Good garbage
Good grief
Good junk
Good morning
Good job
Good loser
Good shit
Go sit!
Gourmet cat food
Gourmet fast food
Gourmet hamburger
Gourmet pizza
Gourmet sandwich
Government aid
Government assistance
Government efficiency
Government organization
Government service
Government worker
Graduate student
Grand children
Grand theft
Grape Nuts
Graphic language
Graphite irons
Grass roots

Great Commoner
     "The Great Commoner," nickname of William Jennings Bryan

Great Depression
Great weakness
Greater evil
Greater (name your town)
Green blackberries
Green blueberries
Green manufacturing
Green orange
Grotesque beauty
Grounded airplane
Group of individuals
Growing small
Growing smaller
Guaranteed forecast
Guest host

Gunboat diplomacy
     Gunboat diplomacy,  n. Diplomacy involving intimidation by threat
     or use of military force.  American Heritage Dictionary.


Gypsy king

H

Half dead
Half dressed
Half empty
Half full
Half naked
Half true
Halfway done
Handgun safety
Happily apathetic
Happily ever after
Happily married

Happy agony
     "Acting is happy agony?"  Sir Alec Guinness

Happy Monday
Hard curve
Hard cushion

A Hard Day's Night
     A Hard Day's Night, title of 1964 Beatles song

Hard liquor
Hard pillow
Hard roll
Hard water
Harmless abuse
Harmless crime
Harmless lie
Harmless pollution
Harmless sin
Harmonious discord

Hasten slowly
     Hasten slowly.  Latin Proverb (in Latin festina lente)

Hazardous waste disposal
Head-butt
Health-care system
Healthy chocolate
Healthy fat
Healthy obsession
Healthy tan
Heavy gas

Heavy lightness
     "O heavy lightness! Serious vanity!"
      William Shakespeare, in Romeo and Juliet


Hell's Angels
High ground
Hollow point
Holy hell

Holy Roman Empire
     "This agglomeration which was called and which still calls itself
      the Holy Roman Empire is neither holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire?"  Voltaire


Holy crap
Holy shit
Holy war
Home office
Homeland security
Home school
Homework

Honest burglar
     "A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar?"  H. L. Mencken

Honest crook
Honest graft
Honest liar
Honest salesperson

Honest Politician
     "An honest politician is one who when he's bought stays bought?"
     Simon Cameron


Honest thief
Hopeful pessimist
Hopelessly optimistic
Horribly decent
Horse fly
Hospital food
Hot chili (think "chilly")
Hot ice
House boat
House ethics committee
Huge market niche
Huge shortage
Huge shortfall
Human robot
Humane death
Humanitarian invasion
Humble opinion
Humble pedantry

Hurts so Good
     Hurts So Good, title of 1982 song, on John Cougar Mellancamp's
     "American Fool" Album


Hybrid car

I

Ice cream cake
Ice water
Icy hot
Icy Hot Patch

Idiot savant (literally, "learned idiot")
     Idiot savant,  n. A mentally retarded person who exhibits genius in a highly
     specialized area, such as mathematics or music (French: idiot, idiot + savant,
     learned).  American Heritage Dictionary, Third edition.


Idle labor
Ill fortune
Ill health
Important trivia
Immigration control
Impatient patient
Important trivia
Impressive ignorance
Inarticulate speaker
Income tax
Incomplete cure
Increasing declines
Increasing losses
Increasingly little
Incredibly believable
Incredibly common

Incredibly credible
     "We have two incredibly credible witnesses here?"  Sen. Joseph Biden,
     referring to Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill


Incredibly dull
Incredibly honest
Incredibly real
Industrial park
Inexpensive girl friend
Inexpensive luxury
Inexpensive medical care
Initial conclusion
Initial results
Inmate trustee
Innocent criminal
In-School suspension
Inside out
Insincere appreciation
Insincere vow
Instant classic
Instant folk hero
Instant oil change
Intelligent fight
Intense apathy
Intensely cool
Intensely uninterested
Internal exile
Internal Revenue Service
Internet privacy

Intimate Strangers
     Intimate Strangers: The Culture of Celebrity in America, Richard Schickel,
     title of 2000 book


Invisible ink
Invisible solid
Irate patient

Iron curtain
     "Held behind an iron curtain?"  H. G. Wells, in The Food of the Gods (1904)

     "An iron curtain has descended across the Continent?"
     Winston Churchill, in 1945 speech


Iron hand
Iron lung
Iron maiden
Iron stone
Iron weed
Ironwood

J

Jailbird

Jarring harmony
     "The jarring harmony of things?"  Horace

Jumbo shrimp
     Jumbo Shrimp, title of 1986 book by Warren S. Blumenfield

     "Probably the best-known oxymoron in the United States is one
     from comedian George Carlin's record Toledo Window Box, the delightful
     jumbo shrimp?"  Richard Lederer


Junk bonds
Junk food
Junk science
Junior senator
Just war
Justifiably paranoid

K

Kickstand
Killjoy
Kitchen police
Knee-high panty hose
Known secret
Known stranger
Known covert operation
Kosher Christmas cookies
Kosher ham

L

Lace-up loafers
Ladies man
Lady wrestler
Lame effort
Land developer
Land development
Large miniature
Large mini-van
Larger half
Last initial
Lead balloon
Lean pork

Learned blockhead
     "A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead
     than an ignorant one?"  Benjamin Franklin


Learned fool
     "A learned fool is one who has read
     everything and remembered it?"  Josh Billings


     "A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant one?"  Molière

Least favorite
Legal brief
Legal ethics
Legal reasoning
Legally drunk
Leisure industry
Leisure suit
Lemon lime
Lend lease
Less filling

Less is more
     "Well, less is more, Lucrezia?"  Robert Browning, in "Andrea del Sarto" (1855)

     "Less is more?"  Motto of architect Ludwig Mies Van der Rohe

Lesser evil
Lethal assistance
Liberal conservative
Liberal fundamentalist
Libertarian organization
Lieutenant colonel
Lieutenant general
Life after death
Light armor
Light dark beer
Light heavyweight
Light opera
Light rock
Light shadow
Light-skinned Black
Lightweight
Limited empowerment
Limited freedom
Limited immunity
Limited lifetime guarantee
Limousine bus
Linear curve
Liquid air
Liquid crystal
Liquid gas
Liquid metal
Liquid paper
Liquid smoke
Literal interpretation
(A) Little big
Little Big Horn

Little Big League
     Little Big League, title of 1994 film

Little Big Man
     Little Big Man, title of 1965 novel by Thomas Berger
     (and 1970 film starring Dustin Hoffman)


(A) Little bigger
(A) Little bit big

Little Giant
     Little Giant, title of 1946 Abbott & Costello film

     "The Little Giant," nickname of Stephen A. Douglas

Little monster

Little Murders
     Little Murders, title of 1967 play by Jules Feiffer
     (and 1971 film starring Elliott Gould)


(A) Little pregnant
Live on tape
Live recording
Live television
Living Apart Together

Living Dead
     "A needy, hollow-ey'd, sharp-looking wretch,
      A living-dead man."
      William Shakespeare, in A Comedy of Errors


     Night of the Living Dead, title of 1968 movie

Living death
     "Then had I not been thus exiled from light;
      As in the land of darkness yet in light;
      To live half dead, a living death,"
      John Milton, in Samson Agonistes (lines 98-100)


Living doll
Living end
Living corpse
Living fossil
Local celebrity
Local long distance
Lonely Heart's Club
Loner's Club

Long Day's Night
     A Long Day's Night.   Blue Oyster Cult, title of 2002 concert film

Long Island Expressway
Long nap
Long recess
Long shorts
Long sleeve t-shirt
Loose knot
Loose tights
Loosely packed

Loud silence
     The Long, Loud Silence.  Wilson Tucker, title of 1952 book
     (updated & rewritten in 1969)


Loud whisper
Lovable loser
Love-hate relationship
Lover's quarrel
Lovesick
Loving hatred
Lower inflation
Low-fat ice cream
Low altitude
Low priority
Low-rise
Low-speed chase

Loyal opposition
     "To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition?"  Woody Allen

Luke-warm enthusiasm
Luxury apartment
Luxury bus
Luxury SUV

M

Macro microorganism
Magic realism

Magnificent desolation
     "Beautiful! Beautiful! Magnificent desolation?"  Astronaut "Buzz" Aldrin,
     on July 20, 1969 moon walk


Magnificent failure
Magnificently ugly
     "She is magnificently ugly—deliciously hideous?"  Henry James,
     on George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)


Major general
Major minority group
Major trivia

Make haste slowly
     "Make haste slowly?"  Augustus Caesar (in Latin, festina lente)

Male compassion

Male intellect
     The Male Intellect, An Oxymoron?, title of 1996 play by Robert Dubac

Male ladybug
Male sensitivity
Man-child
Managed care
Managed competition
Managed healthcare
Management action
Management decision
Management science
Management support
Mandatory contribution
Mandatory option
Mandatory volunteerism
Many fewer
Marijuana initiative
Marital bliss
Marital trust
Married life
Martial arts
Martial law
Master copy
Maternity fashion
Mature adolescent
Mature male
Maxi-Thins

Meaningful nonsense
     Meaningful Nonsense, title of 1966 book by Charles J. Ping

Meaningful overnight relationship
Meatless chili
Meatless hamburger
Meatless sausage
Medical care
Medicare benefits
Medium large

Melancholy merriment
     "For checker'd as is seen our human lot
      With good, and bad, and worse, alike prolific
      Of melancholy merriment, to quote
      Too much of one sort would be soporific."
      Lord Byron, in Don Juan, Canto Eight


Melted ice
Mental masturbation
Mercy killing
Merry widow
Metal board
Metal woods

Microscopic carelessness
     "The ladies looked one another over with microscopic carelessness?"
     Arthur "Bugs" Baer


Microsoft Excel
Microsoft Works
Middle initial
Middle East peace process
Midnight sun
Mighty Mouse
Mighty weak
Mild abrasive
Mild cigar
Mild hot sauce
Mild jalapeno
Mild-mannered reporter
Mild turbulence
Mildly abrasive
Mildly psychotic
Militant pacifist
Militant peacenik
Military accountability
Military budget

Military intelligence
     "Military intelligence—a contradiction in terms?"  Oswald Garrison Villard,
     in 1920 lecture


     "Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms?"  Groucho Marx

Military justice

Military music
     "Military justice is to justice as military music is to music."
      Attributed to Groucho Marx, George Clemenceau, and others


Mind-expanding drugs
Mini-marathon
Mini-jumbo CD
Minor catastrophe
Minor crisis
Minor disaster
Minor emergency
Minor milestone
Minor miracle
Minor surgery

Miserable abundance
     "O miserable abundance, O beggarly riches?"  John Donne

Missing present
Mobil station
Mobile home
Moderately uninhibited
Moderately excessive
Moderately radical
Modern history
Modern tradition
Modestly arrogant
Monopoly (from two Greek words, meaning "single, alone" and "many")

Monumental littleness
     "He was a politician of monumental littleness?"  Theodore Roosevelt,
     on John Tyler


Moral Majority
Morbid humor

More equal
     "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."
      George Orwell, in Animal Farm (1945)


More perfect
More unique
Most unique
Motorcycle safety
Mountain lake
Mournful optimist
Mud bath

Murderous innocence
     "The murderous innocence of the sea?"  William Butler Yeats,
     in "A Prayer for My Daughter"


Mute sound
Mutual masturbation
Mutually exclusive

N

Nameless celebrity
Nasty Politeness
Natural actor
Natural additive
Natural artifact
Natural make-up
Natural phony
Naturally artificial
Naval aviation
Near miss
Nearly complete
Nearly finished
Nearly perfect
Neat mess
Needless requirement
Negative gain
Negative growth
Negative momentum
Nerd chic
Neutral color
Never again
Never generalize
Nevermore
Never say never
New & Improved
New age

New antique
     New Antiques Arriving Daily!  Sign at Antique Shop.

New classic

New cliché
     "Let's have some new cliché's?"  Samuel Goldwyn

New Olds
New routine
New tradition
New used car
Nightlight
Nightshade
Ninety-nine percent pure

Noble frailty
     "And love's the noblest frailty of the mind?"  John Dryden, in 1665

     "And wit's the noblest frailty of the mind?"  Thomas Shadwell, in 1679

Noble savage
     "I am as free as Nature first made man,
      Ere the base laws of servitude began,
      When wild in woods the noble savage ran."
      John Dryden, in The Conquest of Granada


No-fault divorce
No good do-gooder
Non-alcoholic beer
Non-alcoholic wine
Non-binding contract
Non-dairy creamer
Non-fat cream
Non-stick glue
Non-toxic bug spray
Non-working mother
Normal deviation

Normally insane
     "I just want to be normally insane?"  Marlon Brando

Notably absent
Nothing much
Now, then
Nuclear defense
Numb feeling
Numb sensation

O

Obedient defiance
Objective opinion
Objective parent
Obscene art
Obvious secret
Ocean shore
Oddly appropriate
Oddly familiar
Oddly natural
Office Park
Office suite
Official corruption
Old boy
Old boys' network
Old girl

Old girls' network
     The Old Girls' Network, title of 2003 book by Sharon Whiteley, et.al.

Old news
One choice
One hundred and ten percent
One-man band

One-man tango,
     One-Man Tango, title of book by Anthony Quinn

One-person crew
One size fits all
Once again
On-line newspaper
Only choice
Only option
Open circuit
Open loop
Open marriage
Open secret
Organized anarchy
Organized chaos
Organized confusion
Organized mess
Original copy
Original replica
Original reprint
Original reproduction Outer core
Oven-fried
Overdone
Overly modest
Oxymoron (From Gr. words meaning "dull sharpness" or "pointed foolishness)
Oyster cracker

P

Pacific Ocean
Paid volunteer

Painful pleasure
     "And painful pleasure turns to pleasing pain?"  Edmund Spenser,
     in The Faerie Queene (1590)


Painless dentistry
Paper tablecloth
Paper towel
Paperless office
Parallel connection

Paranoid optimist
     "We need to be paranoid optimists?"  Robert J. Eaton, Chrysler CEO

Paraphrased quotation
Park Drive
Partial conclusion
Partial nudity
Partial success
Partially completed
Partially destroyed
Passive-aggressive
Passive restraint
Past presents
Past prediction
Peace force
Peacekeeping force
PeaceMaker missile
Peace offensive
Peace riot
Peaceful protest
Perfect idiot

Perfect husband
     The Perfect Husband, title of 1998 novel by Lisa Gardner

Perfect wife
Perfect screw-up

Perfect storm
     The Perfect Storm: A True Story of Men Against the Sea.
     Sebastian Junger, title of 1997 book (made into a 2000 movie)


Perfectly awful
Perfectly normal
Permanent change

Permanent fad
     "Psychoanalysis is a permanent fad?"  Peter de Vries

Permanent guest host
Permanent substitute
Personal ad
Personal business
Personal computer
Personalized form letter
Pet cat
Pet fish
Pet peeve
Pet rock
Petty cash
Pianoforte (literally "soft-loud")
Pink lemonade
Pious atheist
Planned serendipity
Planned spontaneity
Plastic flowers
Plastic glasses
Plastic silverware
Plastic wood
Player coach
Player piano
Pleasantly confused

Pleasing pain
     "And painful pleasure turns to pleasing pain?"  Edmund Spenser,
     in The Faerie Queene (1590)


Pleasing punishment
     "The pleasing punishment that women bear?"  William Shakespeare,
     in A Comedy of Errors


Police protection
Polite cabbie
Politely insulting
Political cooperation
Political ethics
Political leadership
Political promise
Political science
Political solutions
Politically correct
Pool table
Poor little rich kid

Poor little rich girl
     A Poor Little Rich Girl, title of 1917 Mary Pickford film

     The Poor Little Rich Girl, title of 1936 Shirley Temple film

Pop art
Popular culture
Population control
Positive defeat
Positive resistance
Positively cynical
Positively depressing
Positively negative
Positively wrong
Postal efficiency
Postal service
Postal worker
Post-marital agreement
Powdered milk

Practical idealist
     "All her life, Isadora (Duncan) has been a practical idealist?"  Truman Capote

Practical joke
Practically useless
Practice test
Precise estimate
Precision bombing
Precious junk
Precious trinkets
Predictably random
Preliminary conclusion
Premeditated spontaneity
Press enter to exit
Press release
Pretty bad
Pretty disgusting
Pretty ugly
Pretty sorry looking
Priceless junk
Primitive culture
Prison life
Private citizen
Private e-mail
Pro-Contra
Preposterous (literally means "before-behind")
Productivity committee

Professional amateur
     Professional Amateur, title of 1957 book by T. A. Boyd

Professional dispute
Professional jealousy
Progressive conservative
Progressive decline

Proletarian dictatorship
     "A proletarian dictatorship is never proletarian?"  Will and Ariel Durant

Proud humility
     "Behold how goodly my faire love does ly,
      In proud humility!"
      Edmund Spenser, in Epithalamion (1597)


Psychiatric care
Public school education
Public servant
Pure crap
Pure dirt
Pure evil
Pure sex

Q

Qualified success
Quality assurance
Quality service
Questionable answer
Quick fix
Quiet noise

Quiet rage
     Quiet Rage: Bernie Goetz in a Time of Madness,
     title of 1986 book by Lillian J. Rubin


Quiet Riot
     Quiet Riot, name of heavy metal group

Quiet scream

R

Radical center
Radical chic
Radical moderate
Random logic
Random order
Random pattern
Rap artist
Rap music
Rapid transit
Real fantasy
Real imitation leather
Real magic
Real phony
Real polyester
Real potential
Real processed cheese
Really fantastic
Realistic fantasy
Realistic simulation

Reality TV
     "Reality TV is mostly about fantasy?"  Dr. Mardy Grothe

Reasonable attorney fees
Reasonable demand
Reasonable medical fees
Recent history
Recorded live
Regular special
Relative stranger
Relative truth
Relatively precise
Relatively strict
Religious education
Religious right
Religious science
Religious tolerance
Remotely close
Remotely obvious
Required donation
Required elective
Resident alien
Resort campground
Responsible drinking
Responsible gambling
Responsible teen
Restless sleep
Retired worker
Righteous indignation
Riot control
Rising deficits
River land

Roaring silence
     The Roaring Silence, title of 1976 album by Manfred Mann

     The Roaring Silence: John Cage: A Life (1993) by David Revill

Rock garden
Rock opera
Rolling stop
Rough finish
Routine change
Routine emergency
Routine surgery
Rubber bones
Rubber cement
Rubber chicken
Rude welcome
Rules of war
Running idle
Running in place
Rush hour
Rush hour traffic
Russian economy
Rustic elegance
RV resort

S

Sad clown
Sad optimist
Sad smile
Sadly amused
Sadly funny
Safe investment
Safe and sane fireworks
Safe bet
Safe investment
Safe sex
Safe weapons
Safety hazard
Same difference
Sanitary landfill
Sanitary napkin
Scented deodorant
Scheduled spontaneity
School cafeteria food
School system
School vacation
Science fiction
Scientific belief
Scientific creationism
Scientific speculation
Scientific chiropractic
Scottish Danish (a pastry)
Scripted spontaneity
Seacoast
Sea farming
Seaport
Seashore
Search party
Second best
Second initial
Secret FBI files
Secret rumor
Secretarial science
Secular fundamentalism
Sedate sex
Sedentary living
Self-help book
Self-help group
Semi-boneless ham
Semi-precious
Semi-private
Semi-professional
Semi-retired
Semi-truck
Senate Ethics Committee
Senate Intelligence Committee
Sensitive male
Serial monogamy
Serious fun
Serious humor
Seriously funny
Service station
Sexual tension

Sexy ugly
     "Harvey Keitel—he's very sexy-ugly."
     Heather Juergensen, from the 2001 film, Kissing Jessica Stein


Shared monopoly
Sharp curve
She-male
Short distance
Short survey
Short tall-tale
Shorty Long (American entertainer: www.shortylong.com)

Shy exhibitionist
     "We're shy exhibitionists."  Geena Davis, on actors

Sight unseen
Silent alarm
Silent applause
Silent auction
Silent barber

Silent scream
     "I sat screaming silently."
     Pauline Kael, on the 1991 film Silence of the Lambs


Silent sound (see sound of silence)
Silent testimony
Simple calculus
Simple medical procedure
Simply awesome
Simply splendid
Simply superb
Sincere deceivers
Sincere deception
Sincere flattery
Sincere insincerity
Sincere lie
Single copy
Single pair
Singular relationship
Sit up
Slave master
Sleeper hit
Sleepwalk
Slight exaggeration
Slight hernia
Slightly pregnant
Slightly surprised
Sloppy chic
Slow-motion explosion
Slow run
Slow speed
Slumber party
Small crowd
Small fortune
Small world
Smart blonde
Smart bomb
Smart drugs
Smokeless cigarette

Snow white tan
     "Came on so loaded, man, well hung and snow white tan."
     David Bowie, lyric from Ziggy Stardust


Sober drunk
Social science
Social Security
Socialist worker
Soft porn
Soft rock
Solid glass
Solid rumor
Solo concert
Someone
Somewhat awesome
Somewhat destroyed
Somewhat legal
Sophomore (literally "wise fool')

Sound of silence
     "Hello darkness my old friend
     I've come to talk to you again.
     The words of the prophets
     Are written on the subway walls
     And tenement halls
     And whispered in the sounds of silence."
     Paul Simon, lyrics from The Sound of Silence (1964)


Soviet economy
Soviet union
Space walk
Spare rib
Specialize in generalities
Spectator sport
Speechwriting
Speed bump
Speed limit
Spendthrift

Splendid failure
     "A splendid failure."
     William Faulkner's characterization of his 1929 novel, The Sound and the Fury


Splendid misery
     "The second office of the government is honorable and easy,
     the first is but a splendid misery."
     Thomas Jefferson, comparing the vice-presidency with the presidency


Splendidly dull
Spoken thought

Spontaneous demonstration
     "Napoleon has commanded that once a week there should be held
     something called a Spontaneous Demonstration."
     George Orwell, in Animal Farm


Sports sedan

Square wheels
     "The wheels of justice … they're square wheels."
     Barbara Cororan, in The Hideaway (1987)


Squared circle (wrestling term)

Squaw man
     The Squaw Man, title of first full-length Hollywood feature film,
     by Cecil B. Demille, Samuel Goldwyn, and Jesse Lasky


Stable progression
Staged accident
Stand down
Stand fast
Standard deviation
Standard option
State worker
Stationary bicycle
Stationary orbit
Statistical humor
Stealth bomber
Steel wool
Still moving
Still wind
Stool pigeon
Stop action
Straight angle
Straight-forward subterfuge
Straight hook
Strangely familiar
Strategic withdrawal
Strawberry blonde

Strenuous idleness
     "A day
     Spent in a round of strenuous idleness."
     William Wordsworth, in "The Prelude"


Strippers dressing room
Strong decaf

Strong weakness
     "Strong people have strong weaknesses."  Peter F. Drucker

Student athlete
     "Until colleges are tested for the education they are providing
     their athletes, the term "student-athlete" will remain
     the most tragic oxymoron in the American vocabulary."
     Murray Sperber, college professor & author of College Sports, Inc.


Student teacher
Studied indifference
Study break
Stunted growth
Stupid genius
Subjective data

Sublime noise
     "It will be generally admitted that Beethoven's Fifth Symphony is
     the most sublime noise that has ever penetrated into the ear of man."
     E. M. Forster


Subtle exaggeration
Subversive compliance
Successful suicide
Sugarless candy
Summer school
Sun screen
Sun shade
Sun shower
Superette (literally "big-small")
Super small
Sure bet
Sure fire tip
Sure guess
Sweet and sour
Sweet crude

Sweet compulsion
     "Such sweet compulsion doth in music lie."   John Milton

Sweet disorder
     "A sweet disorder in the dress
     Kindles in clothes a wantonness."
     Robert Herrick


Sweet pain

Sweet sorrow
     "Parting is such sweet sorrow."
     William Shakespeare, in Romeo and Juliet


Sweet-sour
Sweet tart
Swiss army
Synthetic natural gas

T

Talk show
The Tall Dwarfs (New Zealand rock group)
Tame beast
Tame cat
Taped live
Targeted spam
Tax cut
Tax free
Tax return
Tax simplification
Television critic
Temporary government job
Temporary tax increase
Tense calm
Tentative conclusion
Terribly enjoyable
Terribly good
Terribly nice
Terribly pleased
Terrific headache
Texas chic
Thinking out loud

Threatening benevolence
     "That look of threatening benevolence."
     Moss Hart, on first-night productions


Thundering silence
Tight slacks
Tiny mountain
Toll free
Tomorrow's headlines today
Top floor
Tough love

Tough softy
     "(James) Gandolfini plays the compassionate cold-blooded hit man,
     a role that sounds as ridiculous as it looks. Gandolfini might as well
     stamp 'tough softy' on his forehead. His work on 'The Sopranos'
     has dug him a type-cast grave."
     J. H. Wyman, in a 2001 review of the "The Mexican"


Traditional revolution
     (first appearance in Edward Bellamy's 1899 book Equality)

Tragi-comic
Tragi-comedy
Train schedule
Tremendous ignorance
Tremendously small
Trial separation
Trouble in paradise
True counterfeit
True fiction
True gossip
True illusion

True lies
     "The matters I relate
     Are true lies."
     Jean Cocteau


     True Lies
     Title of 1994 movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger

True story
True counterfeit
Truth-in-advertising
Truth-in-lending
Turned up missing
Turkey bacon
Turkey ham
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Typically atypical

U

Ugly win
Unacceptable solution
Unbiased news
Unbiased opinion
Uncommonly common
Uncommonly normal
Uncontested divorce
Uncrowned king
Underdone
Understanding banker
Understanding editor
Undocumented report
Unfunny joke
Uninvited guest
Union worker
Unique uniform
United Nations
United States
Unknown identity
Unsalted Saltines
Unscented incense
Unscented deodorant
Unspoken suggestion
Unsung hero
Unthaw
Unusual routine
Unwelcome greeting
Upcoming downtrend
Upside down
User friendly

V

Vacation bible school
Vaguely aware
Valley Heights
Veiled accusation
Vegetable beef soup
Vegetarian meatloaf
Veggie burger
Vertical horizon
Vice-presidential power

Vices of our virtues
     Vices of our Virtues, title of 1996 article by Robert Samuelson

Victimless crime
Violent agreement
Virgin wool
Virtual reality
Voluntary taxes
Voodoo science

W

Waking dream
War games
Warlord
Waste management
Weak muscle
Wealthy professor
Weather forecaster
Wedded bliss
Weekday
Well-preserved ruins
Wet drywall
Wheeled walker
White chocolate
White gold
White Negro

White Noise
     White Noise, title of book by Don DeLillo

White rose
Whole half
Whole hemisphere
Whole part
Whole piece
Wholesome
Wicked good
Wild boar
Wilderness management
Willing slave
Windburn
Wireless Cable TV
"Wise fool" (the literal meaning of sophomore)
Wordless book
Work party
Working breakfast
Working dinner
Working lunch
Working vacation

X

(None right now; suggestions will be welcomed.)

Y

Young adult
Young Republican
Young sixty

Z

Zero deficit
BOOKS BY DR. MARDY

Neverisms
Ifferisms
I Never Metaphor I Didn't Like
Viva la Repartee
Oxymoronica
Never Let a Fool Kiss You or a Kiss Fool You