Ifferisms, by Dr. Mardy Grothe. I have been on Mardy's weekly newsletter list for a long time. He is one of the four or five people I turn to regularly for material. Many of the quotes I lead my own weekly off with are taken from his seemingly endless collections. This great little book, published by HarperCollins, is a collection of brilliant and mostly little known aphorisms that begin with the word "if" — hence, "Ifferisms."

Some examples are:

"If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle."
     — Rita Mae Brown

"If you look like your passport photo, in all probability, you need the holiday."
     — Earl Wilson

"If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine Floor."
     — Paul Simon

"If poetry is like an orgasm, an academic can be likened to someone who studies the passion-stains on the bedsheets."
     — Irving Layton

"If I had to wear high heels and a dress, I would be a mental case."
     — K.D. Lang

If you need a gift to put in your horse's mouth, look no further.

If You Seek Aphoristic Effectiveness, Then Here's the Book for You
A book review by John Busbee for The Culture Buzz
KFMG-FM 99.1 Des Moines, Iowa

For fans seeking quotes, humor and life-enhancing philosophy, Dr. Mardy Grothe has done it again, and with a flair and appeal none in this genre can match. His latest cerebral feast is Ifferisms: An Anthology of Aphorisms That Begin with the Word "If." And, what a delicious feast it is! I can think of no other word in the English language that holds as much power and promise as the word "if." Grothe has marvelously captured the range of this gateway word in this neat little tome.

As Dr. Mardy (his aptly used familiar name; readers who delve into his books quickly find a kinship with this man) so eloquently explains, "An aphorism is a succinctly phrased observation that attempts to express a truth—or sometimes just an opinion—about the human experience." Mix the passion of an author, completely and irrevocably immersed in his world of quotations, with his insights as an experienced psychologist to clarify issues for others, and you will better understand how Dr. Mardy built this book. Each chapter is defined as an ifferistic aphorism, using an appropriate quote to lead the reader into the chapter's subject. "If Anything Can Go Wrong, It Will" headlines the chapter on Classic Ifferisms. "If the World Were a Logical Place, Men Would Ride Side-Saddle" covers Gender Dynamics. (When I first saw this chapter heading, I absolutely laughed out loud when the preposterous image of John Wayne riding side-saddle in "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon" flashed through my head.) You quickly grasp the beauty of his method in categorizing the nearly 2000 ifferistic quotes contained herein. Sublimely direct with the irresistible appeal of a siren … without the catastrophic results of ships wrecking on rock-strewn shores.

Grothe excels through his meticulous back story research, giving the reader much more than just a wonderful quote. One of many examples was while I was talking about this book with my brother-in-law, we both marveled at the story behind one well-known quote, often referred to as Murphy's Law, "If anything can go wrong, it will." This irksome axiom is rooted in World War II when U.S. Air Force engineer Captain Edward A. Murphy, Jr. bemoaned the fact that no matter how well he explained instructions, his crew would seem to find the most disastrous way to interpret them. Throughout this deceptively and densely packed little book are sprinkled many such delectable tidbits. This is what separates Dr. Mardy from all other quotation authors. He further enhances the relevance of the quotes selected by sprinkling a marvelous assortment of palate-cleansing anecdotes, back stories and historical references throughout his book.

Ifferisms: An Anthology of Aphorisms That Begin with the Word "If" not only needs a space in your personal library, but it is the perfect gift you can give confidently to anyone who loves the power of a well placed quote, especially when planted in such a diverse and inviting landscape. So, if you want to feast on a healthy diet of witticisms, insights and observations, get your copy now. To pull another quote from this incredible author, consider that "An aphorism is a one-line novel," says the Ukrainian writer Leonid Sukhorukov. Imagine that. One book; an entire library. If only I had started this library sooner…

Vistage Speaker of the Year Kraig Kramers often says, "The two most powerful words in any language are "What if." Another speaker has narrowed that premise to an even finer focus. Ifferisms: An Anthology of Aphorisms That Begin with the Word "If" by Mardy Grothe is a collection of quotations that taps into the power of sentences that begin that monosyllabic, possibility-laden word.

Grothe has earned rating of perfect 5s from my groups for his presentations over the years. And, I've even given one of his books as a holiday gift to my members—Viva la Repartee: Clever Comebacks and Witty Retorts from History's Great Wits and Wordsmiths. Sometimes we need a refreshing change of pace from the standard business book.

I was excited to get my hands on his new offering which opens with the classic aphorism, "If anything can go wrong, it will." Other gems from the book include:

• If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
  
• If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people.
  
• If you can't be kind, at least be vague.
  

Grothe started his lifelong pursuit to be "the quote maven" while still in college where he papered his walls with 3x5 cards of quotes he found of interest for their humor, or because they might be cleverly inserted in a paper to impress the professor.

Aphorisms are a observation that attempts to communicate a truth about the human experience often with a dash of wit. Ifferisms contains nearly 2,000 quotations covering topics ranging from sex and love to politics, business and management. Here are examples from the aforementioned chapter headings:

• "If there was a good deal or woman — I would probably go after the woman." — David Wickins
  
• "If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble." — Rodney Dangerfield
  
• "If you want to understand entrepreneurs, you have to study the psychology of the juvenile delinquent." — Abraham Zaleznick
  

For Vistage Chairs and members in the thick of running business, the good doctor Grothe (a psychologist) offers to take our collective minds off the trials of the day, while providing some easily digested snippets that help ease our minds with humor and possibilities. As a fellow quote collector, I yield to the master and recommend his latest in the same manner he has spoken to my groups, with great enthusiasm.

A NEW WORD - AND A NEW BOOK!

Until recently (and except perhaps for a couple of obscure technical terms), there have been only two words in the English language that begin with the letters "if." In addition to "if" itself, there's its cousin, "Iffy." Now, my friend Mardy Grothe, a lIFelong quotation collector, has increased that number by 50 percent.

This new word is "Ifferisms," the title of the fIFth volume of quotations he has compiled, but with a dIFference. Every one of the quotations he has selected for this book begins with the word IF.

BeautIFully dedicated to his wIFe, the book is divided into 18 chapters, covering virtually every aspect of lIFe and the world we live in. In his Introduction, Dr. Mardy writes: "I have come to believe that IF is the biggest little word in the English language." In the fIFteen hundred (or so) selections which follow, signIFicantly amplIFied in his always informative and entertaining style, he makes his point well.

IF you'll take my advice, you'll head for Amazon and swIFtly order your copy of Ifferisms, and perhaps several more for family and friends. You'll find it a gratIFying read, one that's sure to give your spirits a lIFt!