Episodes 1-6      Episodes 7-12

Chiastic Quiz Show (Episodes 1-6)

Quiz Show 1     (June 1999)

In a 1934 movie, this blond bombshell said: "I'd rather be looked over than overlooked."

"Who is Mae West?"

In the early 1950's, comedian & radio personality Fred Allen was referring to this when he said: "(It) is a vehicle that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything."

"What is television?"

In The Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce defined a member of this profession as follows: "One who drafts a plan of your house and plans a draft of your money."

"What is an architect?"

This leader of the 1990's conservative resurgence in American politics said: "We're prepared to place our trust in the people to reshape the government. Our liberal friends place their trust in the government to reshape the people."

"Who is Newt Gingrich?"

In an 1861 speech, this president of the Confederacy advised: "Never be haughty to the humble; never be humble to the haughty."

"Who is Jefferson Davis?"

In The Story of Philosophy, Will Durant described these famous brothers this way: "One of them … proceeded to write fiction like psychology, while the other wrote psychology like fiction."

"Who are Henry & William James?"

It wasn't Ronald Reagan, but rather this 29th U. S. president who said: "We mean to have less government in business as well as more business in government."

"Who is Warren G. Harding?"

Seneca the Younger was referring to this Greek philosopher when he said: "It was the saying of a great man that, if we could trace our ancestors, we should find all slaves to come from princes, and all princes from slaves."

"Who is Plato?"

This French mathematician & philosopher observed: "There are only two kinds of men: the just who believe themselves sinners; the sinners who believe themselves just."

"Who is Blaise Pascal?"

Seneca the Younger was referring to this medical ailment when he wrote: "If prolonged it cannot be severe, and if severe, it cannot be prolonged."

"What is pain?"

Quiz Show 2     (July 1999)

It's the legendary motto of the Three Musketeers.

"What is 'All for one, and one for all?'"

This First Lady of the United States said: "It is not enough to preach about family values, we must value families."

"Who is Hillary Rodham Clinton?"

This former U.S. Secretary of State and presidential advisor said: "A conventional army loses if it does not win. The guerrilla army wins if it does not lose."

"Who is Henry Kissinger?"

Lyndon Johnson was referring to this famous law enforcement officer when he declared: "I'd rather have him inside the tent pissin' out, than outside the tent pissin' in."

"Who is J. Edgar Hoover?"

Queen Elizabeth I was referring to this lucrative import when she said to Sir Walter Raleigh: "I have seen many a man turn his gold into smoke, but you are the first who has turned smoke into gold."

"What is tobacco?"

In 1640, English poet John Donne was referring to this when he wrote: "It comes equally to us all, and makes us all equal when it comes."

"What is death?"

This famous Ziegfeld girl once confessed: "I never liked the men I loved, and I never loved the men I liked."

"Who is Fanny Brice?"

According to Jean Cocteau, "Art produces ugly things which frequently become beautiful with time, and (this) produces beautiful things which become ugly with time."

"What is fashion?"

William James Lampton was describing this U.S. state when he wrote:
"Where the corn is full of kernels
And the colonels full of corn."

"What is Kentucky?"

The German philosopher Immanuel Kant was describing this when he wrote: "(It) is not abominable because God prohibits it; God prohibits it because it is abominable."

"What is suicide?"

Quiz Show 3     (August 1999)

In a 1958 address to the Republican National Committee, this 34th U.S. president said: "What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog."

"Who is Dwight Eisenhower?"

Noel Coward was referring to this city when he said: "There is always something so delightfully real about what is phony here. And something so phony about what is real."

"What is Los Angeles?"
("Hollywood" acceptable)

Jean Cocteau was referring to these objects of endearment when he said: "There are too many souls of wood not to love these wooden characters who do indeed have a soul."

"What are marionettes?
("puppets" acceptable)

Clare Booth Luce described this U.S. First Lady this way: "No woman has ever so comforted the distressed, or so distressed the comfortable."

"Who is Eleanor Roosevelt?"

English philosopher Herbert Spencer was referring to this when he said: "That which man is always trying to kill, but which ends in killing him."

"What is time?"

This communist revolutionary leader wrote: "Politics is war without bloodshed, while war is politics with bloodshed."

"Who is Mao Zedong?"

This Austrian physician expressed his view on sex and love this way: "Where they love they do not desire and where they desire they do not love."

"Who is Sigmund Freud?"

Shimon Peres said of this Zionist who became prime minister of the state of Israel: "He restored the Bible to its people, he restored the people to the Bible."

"Who is David Ben-Gurion?

In a 1920 book, this American journalist and language maven wrote: "It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull."

"Who is H. L. Mencken?

Mr. Dooley, the character created by American writer Finley Peter Dunne was referring to this when he said: "Well, if it's an evil to a man, it's not nicissry, and if it's nicissry it's an evil."

"What is drink?"
("alcohol" acceptable)

Quiz Show 4     (September 1999)

William Seagle said of this institution, "It is in the advantageous position of being able not only to declare constitutional acts unconstitutional, but unconstitutional acts constitutional."

"What is the U.S. Supreme Court?"

This Founding Father and 4th U.S. President said: "As a man is said to have a right to his property, he may be equally said to have a property in his rights."

"Who is James Madison?"

In the 1950s this buxom, blonde bombshell said: "It's true that gentleman prefer blondes. Is it possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen?"

"Who is Mamie Van Doren?"

In her 1859 novel, Adam Bede, she wrote: "Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds."

"Who is George Eliot?"

In his book, The Man Who Invented Baseball, writer William Peterson said of him: "(He) didn't invent baseball, baseball invented (him)."

"Who is Abner Doubleday?"

This American comedian and social critic said of the American judicial system: "In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls."

"Who is Lenny Bruce?"

This former owner of the Chicago Cubs once said: "Baseball is too much of a sport to be a business and too much of a business to be a sport."

"Who is P. K. Wrigley?"

This American humorist said: "At fifty a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass."

"Who is Mark Twain?"

This Spanish composer and musician described one of his "trade secrets" this way: "You have to play Mozart like Chopin and Chopin like Mozart."

"Who is Pablo Casals?"

English prime minister Harold MacMillan was referring to this when he said: "(It) does not mean that the living are dead, it means the dead are living."

"What is tradition?"

Quiz Show 5     (October 1999)

This 39th U.S. President summed up the core value of his presidency this way: "America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense … human rights invented America."

"Who is Jimmy Carter?"

Presidential biographer David McCullough said of this 33rd U.S. President: "He once said that all readers can't be leaders, but all leaders must be readers."

"Who is Harry Truman?"

This African-American athlete explained the secret of his pitching success this way: "Throw it here when they're lookin' there; throw it there when they're lookin' here."

"Who is LeRoy 'Satchel' Paige?"

This South African religious leader said: "When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, 'Let us pray.'  We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land."

"Who is Bishop Desmond Tutu?"

This 19th century British prime minister & novelist said: "Like all great travellers, I have seen more than I remember, and remember more than I have seen."

"Who is Benjamin Disraeli?"

NFL coach "Bum" Phillips paid the supreme compliment to this fellow NFL coach when he said: "He can beat your'n with his'n and he can beat his'n with your'n."

"Who is Don Shula?"

After his famous tour of America in the early 1800s, this French politician & writer wrote: "America is great because she is good, and if America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great."

"Who is Alexis de Tocqueville?"

While serving time in prison, this Watergate conspirator-turned-talk-show-host forged the maxim, "Defeat the fear of death and welcome the death of fear."

"Who is G. Gordon Liddy?"

NPR newsman Daniel Schorr was referring to this man when he said he "doesn't believe that people abuse welfare, he believes that welfare abuses people."

"Who is Newt Gingrich?"

In a 1929 Cole Porter song, this kind of animal ends up back in the water after a day of heady social climbing, and says:

"I've had a taste of society
And society has had a taste of me."

"What is an oyster?"

Quiz Show 6     (November 1999)

Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong was referring to this musical art form when he said, "Hot can be cool and cool can be hot."

"What is jazz?"

In the 1996 film Tin Cup, this actor said, "When a defining moment comes along, you define the moment, or the moment defines you."

"Who is Kevin Costner?"

This 1960s civil rights leader said, "We didn't land on Plymouth Rock; Plymouth Rock landed on us."

"Who is Malcolm X?"

In words that would come back to haunt him, this heavyweight champ said, "I beat boxing; boxing didn't beat me."

"Who is Muhammad Ali?"

In this film adaptation of an Alexander Dumas novel, this male actor says, "I wear the mask; the mask does not wear me."

"Who is Leonardo DiCaprio?"

This famous American anthropologist said, "The best way to learn is to learn from the best."

"Who is Margaret Mead?"

This American comedian, actor, and TV game-show host said, "Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money."

"Who is Groucho Marx?"

In 1978, this former president said of the legal profession, "The bar serves too few of the many and protects too many of the few."

"Who is Jimmy Carter?"

In her 1953 best-seller about a group of college women, this author wrote, "You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex."

"Who is Mary McCarthy?"
(in The Group)

This American writer wrote, "At a dinner party, one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely."

"Who is W. Somerset Maugham?"

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